Hands of God

Ok, so I haven't been so great about uploading the stuff from Russia yet. All in due time. Saturday morning I'm heading out to Luxembourg to visit some good friends for the weekend, and I'm pretty excited about that.

There has been a lot on my mind lately--with our return from Russia and with our impending departure from Lithuania in about six weeks, it's hard not to let these kinds of thoughts really sink in. If you've noticed, perhaps not, I haven't been writing as much lately. The reason for this is simply that things here have become more routine. I wake up, go to classes or to go to spend time with friends and I just haven't made as much time for contemplation. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's not necessarily a good thing either.

One thing I've really realized is that I need to leave time in my day for contemplation and reflection. I reflect better verbally, because it helps to talk about things and I simply can't go too long without spilling my guts. It's harder when you don't have as many people to spill your guts to who will give you a slide of unbiased pie, but it's been refreshing to have some amazing conversations here in Lithuania.

I feel very behind in writing. Writing for myself, writing to others. I need to do that this weekend; maybe on the plane.

One of the things that has really been on my mind is the idea of home. To me, I've grown up with home being Chicago. Not exactly Chicago, but Antioch, 59 miles north of Chicago. Antioch, Illinois. Now, I honestly feel like I'm without a home. I don't feel like Home is home because it's just not where I am right now. I'm not suburban, post-urban, small town guy. So next on the list is Minneapolis. I love being at Bethel in Arden Hills, just outside of Minneapolis--it's so refreshing up there and the air feels fresh. But I've spent about 9 months there, with a three month gap between those months, so that doesn't really feel like home either. Minneapolis, 356 miles from Antioch--not so much home either. So next on the list would be Lithuania. I love being here and learning, but I would never consider this my home--more like a place of transition. Lithuania, 4503 miles from Antioch. I suppose that Germany could feel like home, but I'll only be there for three months, and I think that it will seem a lot like Lithuania perhaps as for as it fitting in as a "home" scenario, although I'm sure I'll love it there. Frankfurt, 4332 miles from Antioch.

So what is home? I've realized that I don't think I have an answer to that question, and I honestly don't think I will for quite some time in my life. And I'm learning to be OK with that. Right now, I feel that where God wants me to be isn't a physical place, but a place of trust. So I'm going with that. I don't know what the future will hold, or where I'll be in six months, let alone 18 months, but I know that God's in control and He's go things under control.

Where is home? Home is being in the hands of God.

Russia - Prologue

Today we got back from Russia. I wrote some updates via pen and paper so that it would be easier to remember it all. I simply need to copy those over and then get them out, so they should be out in the near future.

Also, speaking of writing, I started keeping a more personal journal of the things I experience. I haven't done that yet, but with the onset of a lot of new things it's about time I started.

What should I say about Russia? In some ways, I should say a lot because a lot happened. In other ways, there's nothing to say because it's something I experienced rather than simply "did." I can tell you about all the Museums we visited, and the paintings we saw, and the churches we toured, and the food we ate, and the metros that we rode in, and you could well understand what we did in Russia, but I can't pass on the internal experiences, emotions, changes, and other things that happened in me in the short eight days that we spent in Russia. I just know one thing, going to Russia has been a defining moment in my life.

In Russia, I learned a lot about myself and the kind of person God is calling me to be. It sounds super cliché to say that, but I'm just being honest. I learned a lot about the character of God and the standards that he calls us to. Being in Russia challenged me to seriously, seriously reconsider the things that I have going on in my life and the plans that I've made.

I'm going to just leave it at that.

Honestly, experiencing God is a lot like experiencing Russia. You have absolutely no idea how massive and huge God's plans for you are until you actually step inside them. And once you're there, you realize that you will never reach the end or fully understand why everything is the way it is.

It just takes courage and a lot of faith.